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Rejected Alcohol Warning Labels:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when
you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may cause you to tell the
same boring story over and over again until your friends want
to SMASH YOUR HEAD
IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol
may lead you to believe that
ex-boyfriends or -girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in
the
morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING:
consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol
may create the illusion that
you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really
big guy named Chuck.
WARNING:
consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people
are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space continuum,
hereby small (and sometimes large) gaps
of time may seem to disappear.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually
CAUSE
pregnancy.
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